Monday, February 4, 2019

Broken Atom




What is it we seek in the answers of life? If we have the ability to retain all memories of our past, does our collective knowledge bring us closer as a species? Can we find the meaning of life from those unlocked memories? My tale is one of two lives. One is a boy grown in the prairies of Saskatchewan Canada, the other is a series of unfortunate events that leads me to this time and place now. I am Regan and I am also Atom and these are my stories. This is not my first time, my name was once known to all before I was erased from time.So again I try to send my knowledge into the world before they find me again. Before we go too far, I will start from the beginning.

First I write to you Eve

Our history has been a one of battles for power, and of love scorned. As with our own history we meet again in a time where our pasts cannot escape the hate we both hold against each other. I have wronged you and I admit the scars that I gave to you, yet as I look back now we both have wronged each other in a long list of failed lives. You don't even look at the stars anymore, and the truth known has been locked away in a fight to not remember your past. Only in our highest moments, did you ever call me Atom. In moans of anger you fought to hold off the memories, that I can only wish I had the ability to stem, yet like a failed dam my memories have no hold over my will not to remember. To you Eve, this is for you.

First I must try to explain what I know, and surprisingly it isn't a hell of a lot. First, what are we? In my lives I've witnessed way too many unexplained mysteries to believe that we are a part of a natural growth. Is it God/Gods? That I can not truly say. What I believe comes in three parts, no true answer as I don't think we are truly allowed to know.

My first idea is that the earth is sentient. That we are part of it, as it is part of us. In my first writings that was burned to erase my name, I wrote that we all came from dirt. That the earth is not able to feel, touch or move, so it created us to be vessels for those small little details of life. The earth isn't one being but a collective conscious and each one needs a host, and we are that vessel. As with a parasite, it feels, it feeds and it watches but doesn't have the power to instill their full collective into the body of mankind. It can only create. In my lives I have seen the almost extinction of all life more than a few times,. Each thaw, after each blanket of sediment from volcanic eruption life always seems to spring forth. As if it gives birth faster than evolution has ever taught us. That life is as easy for them to create as we are at creating. As we are a small part of them. Let me retell you a story that was scewed from my original texts. If you are wondering what texts, I was Alexandria and the library was the sum total of my work. I was known by many names, and that was one, yet I will save that story for later. This story you might remember from bible study or Sunday school, yet it has been manipulated over time that only the name rings true. This first story is called..

The fall of Eden and the tree of knowledge.

It was no talking snake, nor a tree of fruit that brought forth instant knowledge, I was already on a quest for information, to know as much as I could. 

The forest was dense since the hands of man have not yet thinned the herd. I was the age of 14, my body was a mass of pure muscle as our bodies were much stronger than we are now. Thousands of years of breeding have made us weaker and our bones as brittle as our emotions. I was running with my companion, the first dog if you will and the first breed of wolf. He was much bigger than me, I was able to ride him into the midst of any conflict and come out the feared winner. His name was lancethrop, it was a grunt that I made that called him to me. I was at my usual play, exploration and adventure, exploring the unknown that was sent before me. As I ran the chill of night was beginning to take its usual calling as the glowing ball that rose before me was now on its setting. That night I stayed in a valley that was covered in the scent of flowers that have now gone extinct. My companion curled around me to keep me warn and ward off any predators at bay. That morning we both drank from a waterfall that fell from the cliffs up high in a place that you call Pangaea or as told as the garden of eden. To me it was where I first met you. I was bathing in the pool when I heard Lancethrop first growl, me being me I went to see what he was growling about. In those times I held little fear. Death was unknown and my body could take more damage than this feeble body can handle now. As I got closer the figure I saw faded as the mist in the morning. Lancethrop wanted to follow yet I called him back. I was not in the mood for a hunt, and I had a whole valley to explore. 



I started very young tasting things, seeking to know the unknown life that was around me. It was not until much later did I invent a language to write it all down, the shape of the leaves, the taste and the follow up that came from eating something that almost killed me or gave me nourishment. If only that collection of knowledge survived the great fire, our civilization might have been much further along. I fed on berries and a sweet leaf that gave me energy, still unknown was the taste of flesh. A addiction I wish I never found. As I started running again from out of the bushes I saw something in the distance. Something unlike the creatures that I witnessed before me, this was standing on two legs. As I turned towards it and started running faster you caught my eye. Brown flowing hair, a complexion as white as snow and a grace unlike anything I have ever seen. You saw me and smiled. You spun in a circle singing the first song I have ever heard. Your body was the same as mine but more gentle. You had no muscles that bulged out like the beasts that followed us on large treks. You we soft and nude, you held no shame as shame was not even invented yet. I tripped over a log as I heard you giggle and than you were gone. In those beginning years our love was a game of cat and mouse. Every time I tried to get close you would run off, your brown hair and brown eyes were a vision I saw when I slept, when I awoke. You had a power that I could not grasp, you held nature in the palm of your hand. The animals worshiped you as with the trees. I was not good with love, I held authority over the animals where you held a mutual respect. It was that magical first moment I met you that I was both in awe and fear of you. That awe helped lift you up, and that fear has stained the world with the blood of countless women. I first heard your singing, it was a humming that lifted me from my slumber. As I walked through the thick forest I caught a glimpse of you floating in the air. The wind lifted you as the beasts lay at your feet. I did not understand how you could float as a leaf in the wind, yet I was drawn as with the beasts to kneel at you feet in wonder. You were laughing from up high when you noticed me, you smiled and let go a lotus flower, which the wind caught and was blown to my hand. You hovered for a few moments before touching the ground, the wind was your master and the animals before you were your servants. You looked at me when I was overcome with a vision of you. A vision that was buried deep within my memories, one where we were both made of the rocks and dirt. We were formed from the earth, we both reached out at each other, touching our hands together, yet not feeling nothing. We locked eyes as a single tear smeared your face. We both wanted to feel, to hold each other, to be more than a mind without feeling.

In all my travels throughout the lands on which we were born, you were the first like me. That is not to say we were alone, there was other inhabitants on the island, more animal than man. They lived in groups, fearful of the night and day. They only sought to protect their herd, living lives that had simple meanings. Yet I wanted more, I wanted to see more, to explore the world beyond my shores. As I sat watching the waves push in and out, I watched a leaf surf the tide. It was able to take the waves while still being dry. From that leaf I created the first boat. For the following years I spent my days building and rebuilding the boat. Eve as with the others, started slowly coming down to watch my progress. The people in the tribes started helping me with the larger parts of the build. We gathered as a community and the first language was invented. The ship was large, we built it to carry those who wanted to come with us in our journey. at the highest point there were at least 60 of us. Off in the distance an unforeseen predicament was about to change all life on the island. The highest peak was starting to rumble and I was still inexperienced in volcanic eruptions or I would have noticed the signs earlier. That night there was a great upset within the small communities. The leaders of the clans were not letting those who wanted to join me come by their own freewill. The caged the youth and killed those who tried to escape. By the time came to get the ship into the water, there was no more than 20 of us, and no Eve to be found. After 15 tries the vessel finally floated. The wax from the pine trees was the secret I was searching for and thanks to one of those who helped me build the boat who showed me it. As we finally got the ship settled the island began to shake. Those who still held fear ran, taking the earths movements as a sign the gods were angry. Those who sensed danger as the animals that ran from the highest peaks, scampered to get on board. I tried to look for you Eve when the top of the mountain blew. Burning our shadows into the ground as the heavens lite up like the sun on earth. In all the confusion I rushed to find you sitting on your little hill in your peaceful valley, holding the small critters that you cared for tightly. I helped gather your things and the small creatures as we rushed to the shoreline. By the time we reached the water, the lava was already destroying the monuments I built and the surrounding tribes were being eaten up by the hungry fire. I put you on board and the remaining 15 people with us as we headed out to sea. That island was lost forever, the gods we displeased that we left our home and closed the gates forever. The knowledge was not by an apple but by sharing information and working together. Eve was not the destruction but the catalyst for our departure. It was her fault we left, it was my love for her that made me create the vessel to save her.

In all that experience I first started seeing the similarities in our situation. How a leaf could give me the strength to build something that was never ever thought of before and how after the creation of such a ship, the need to use it before our own extinction. As if something was guiding me, showing me the synchronicity of life.

Now you may ask why did scholars get that story wrong, well I had my name stripped from all history from a group of people I helped create. Long after the fall of Eden, and before the invention of the pyramid, I set out to teach those willing to learn. I taught them my secrets about building, math, using the stars to guide your way and the tools of freemasonry. I took that information and carved it in to two pillars, one of rock and one of wood. My goal was to spread this information far and wide, to give those on the earth the ability of knowledge, to not be afraid of gods or the dark. Yet that group had other plans, they sought to control, to only give enough information to keep people locked in their own prison. Just like giving a person enough food to live but not enough to be strong enough to fight back. They spent their entire lives, generation after generation seeking to find me and kill me. They had a map of my bloodline, and they knew I was only able to appear from that lineage. It wasn't until the fall of Egypt that I escaped, my body as a small child was taken from the threat of all children being born under that year being slaughtered by the Pharaoh and his men.

In truth this is why I am writing to you now. They are using DNA testing to find out where I am, and it will not be long before someone in my family does this test, opening me up again to be hunted. So before my life gets erased again I need to tell you my story, our story. One of ego and power and the battle over the strongest gender. Now the second story will have to wait, I will come back to place it here again. So if you are looking to read more, come back again soon. After I finish my last two stories, I will tell you more in individual ones until they find me again.

                                       
   My next story will be the hunt for the last Dragon
A tale I am ashamed to write


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