Maybe it is the drink or the stars shining that I feel compelled to come here once again. I know it has been awhile... Well life has a way of getting in the way of fantasy, or reality is nothing like the truth. Either way I sit here cold drink in hand, at the moment some old zeppelin song is playing, reminding me to change it. Love the classics but tire of hearing the same ole same ole. Wondering where to go from here. So my friends and seldom readers, how is life? Are we winning, following some glammer on the screen? Lost in the mainstream? Me I am still lost so that is nothing new. Wondering where are all the good humans at, are they listening to? Waiting for the call that needs to be sung.
Life sure has a way to bring bitter things to light. Myself change has come like a storm, freeing me from true love. Such a strange sentence to write when all I have is love, however some love is toxic. It just takes awhile for some to see the light. I had a home, consigned to societies norms, even if nothing made sense. Played the role of slave for minimum wage with 8 year promises of 15 dollar dreams. A collar is still a collar, no mater with ism you have attached. So where am I you say? I have fallen into a small community back home (well my only home) in Salt Spring Island. Actually things are pretty good. See things started to change a few years ago...
It was love a first sight. No other way to explain it. I was waiting for my new waitress to arrive the time was about 4:18 and her shift started at 4:30. The day was quiet and the sun was bright. As bright as it gets in a neighborhood bar. The morning patriots left, leaving me and the boss and a few early quiters, still dustry from a hards day done in the bar. The door opened and my life changed. I fell in love. From that moment I knew I didn't want to be with any other. That of coarse was many moons ago. Well 22 years this year to be exact. From a young man to me now and the tales life weaves. We were toxic at first. I harbored dreams of self destruction and going out in a blaze of glory, she wanted a Christian man to lead the home, well that's the shit she told me anyways. I was once a man of God... Falling from Grace to fall in love with the sinner and not the creator. Humans and not a shallow God set on destruction masked in love with strong overtones of judgement. Such judgement that they even forgot what their own holy book says. Judge not and yee something about being a douche and getting your shit handed back.
For 4 years we were on and off, more off then she wanted but I didn't want love. I didn't ask for this feeling. I sought death with ambition, more than playing father for children who I loved as my own but were not. I felt just like a stepping stone. A lost puppy following one who strung me around, and here I thought at the time that i was playing the role of a free man, how young and inexperienced I truly was... I will get back to this again soon...
We got married... I found her on Facebook, divorced for the third time living in a home for abused women, she was dating this thing and for some reason held on to memories of him fondly, like a beating is a wonderful thing. The fights in the beginning, man they were chaos. Sorry did I go to quick? Here read this stale blog full of lies I wrote awhile ago... http://lostrelicsthoughts.blogspot.ca/2008/06/true-love-real-story-of-my-life.html
Such dribble and bad spelling, well where was I? Oh yes we got married...
See part 2 here (part 2)
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